my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
