I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
