I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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