those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
