Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I believe in your delicious
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
