She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
