I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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