Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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