not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
