Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
