They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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