Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
