a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
is it fun? or sober?
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