You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Duck Duck Cougar?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
