Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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