we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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