Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
