My room smells like vodka and shame
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
