Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
