why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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