You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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