The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
