I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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