the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
