I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
