I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
