I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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