SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
