I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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