your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
