so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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