I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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