My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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