omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
