Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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