Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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