Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
