I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
