Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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