for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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