somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
