Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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