I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
