i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Even my vagina gasped.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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