i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
