Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
