There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
