He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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