sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
