is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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