ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
