You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
