he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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