Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
